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"Although many Middle Eastern Jews do eat rice during Passover, it must first be thoroughly checked to ensure that no forbidden grains were accidentally mixed in during harvesting or storage. (So) the women sort the rice grain by grain because they believe that this is a form of worship that sorting rice pleases God in much the same way that it pleases God to hear prayers and Psalms of praise..."

—Susan Starr Sered, Women as Ritual Experts: The Religious Lives of Elderly Jewish Women in Jerusalem
(Oxford University Press, 1992)

 

 

Susan Berrin, right, and Janna Ginsburg before the Seder begins. Berrin prefers to view Passover preparations as an opportunity rather than an obstacle.
Susan Berrin, right, and Janna Ginsburg before the Seder begins. Berrin prefers to view Passover preparations as an opportunity rather than an obstacle.

 

Laura Schwartz has a high-pressure job, yet still likes to do all the cooking for her Seder.
Laura Schwartz has a high-pressure job, yet still likes to do all the cooking for her Seder.

Too much on your plate Too Much on Your Plate

Passover Strategies for Women Who Do Too Much

By Robin Levinson
Spring 2003

Blu Greenberg was a young mother in the 1970s, caring for five small children and working a part-time job near her Riverdale, N.Y., home. Though destined to become a leader in the Orthodox feminist movement, to serve on the boards of a host of Jewish organizations, and to write four books, back then she wasn't terribly organized when it came to Passover preparations.

She cringes at the memory of one especially trying year when, as usual, she'd waited until the last minute to shop, clean, cook, make up the Seder plate, and set the table. The problem arose with the Counting of the Omer, the seven-week period between Passover and Shavuot when, save for Lag B'omer (day 33), traditionally observant Jews don't do certain things: get married, dance or cut hair. Greenberg had always given her kids haircuts and had recently done so for all of them except her eldest son. Age 10 at the time, he was sporting a "big mop of blond hair that hung all over his face," Greenberg recalls. "So, like five minutes before our Seder, I finally sat him down and gave him a haircut. It was such a bad haircut that he wouldn't come to the Seder. It was terrible. It was my most unhappy holiday ever."

It's ironic: Passover commemorates the Israelites' trek to freedom from Egyptian bondage, yet women can feel enslaved as they undertake the enormous task of preparing their homes for Passover. For Orthodox and many non-Orthodox women alike, duties typically include scrupulous housecleaning to eliminate every trace of cereal, pasta, cookie crumbs, corn oil and other chametz (leavened food). There's also shopping for Passover food; unpacking Passover dishes, glassware, cookware, and utensils; kashering kitchen appliances and countertops; and, of course, cooking and serving one festive meal—and often two—for a bevy of family and friends.

Getting ready for Passover left Greenberg so tired one year that she fell asleep at the Seder table (so did her husband). She later coined an expression for anytime she's exhausted or overwhelmed: "I feel like erev Pesach" (the first night of Passover).

For some women—especially supermoms who simultaneously run a household and pursue a career—working to exhaustion can detract from the spiritual and historical dimensions of this most widely celebrated Jewish holiday. How is it possible, they might wonder, to sense holiness when you're pulling Cheez-Its from your son's coat pocket?

"We are constantly living with our feet in two worlds," says Penina Adelman, M.A., M.S.W., a visiting scholar at the Women's Study Research Center at Brandeis University. "In one world, you're running around like crazy, under pressure and deadlines, and the bottom line is the most important thing. The second is living a fully Jewish life in which every moment is sacred and unique," says Adelman, a mother of three. "To keep that in mind when going about your business is just really, really hard."

"I think it's a really big challenge," agrees Susan Berrin, editor of Sh'ma: A Journal of Jewish Responsibility. She and her family live in the Boston area. "It's so easy to get caught up in the details of cleaning and the mandate for perfection."

As social worker Faye Wilber points out, making a perfect Passover or attempting to replicate the elaborate Seders your mother and grandmother made is not only unrealistic for many women, it's unnecessary. "There's the old saying that everybody sits down at the Seder at the same time, and everything will be done when those candles are lit," says Wilber, of the Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services in Boro Park, Brooklyn. "Even if it's not done, it's done. If I didn't do it, I can live without it."

Regardless of how strictly you observe Passover, your mind-set generally dictates whether you experience Passover preparations as a burden or a blessing. "If you approach it as chore, then it's a chore," says Berrin, 49, who instead views Passover as an "opportunity to scrupulously and significantly change the way my kitchen looks, the way my car looks. It's really a wonderful feeling."

For English professor Patricia Bizzell of Worcester, Mass., that wonderful Passover feeling sets in at the stove. "Cooking is a great pleasure to me," says Bizzell, who converted to Judaism in 1981. "I feel very proud of myself when I get this meal on the table."

In one sense, the elbow grease used to clean and cook before sitting down to enjoy the warmth of the Seder is a contemporary way of experiencing the journey from slavery into freedom, which the Haggadah says Jews are obliged to do. "If you can think about it that way, it is a way of turning the physical labor into part of the spiritual process," suggests Judith Kates, Ph.D., professor of Jewish Women's Studies at Hebrew College in Newton Centre, Mass.

When Adelman reaches for sacredness in Passover cleaning, she often imagines her Russian-born grandmother, Bella Williams, who handled everything in her Ohio home as though it were a newborn baby or a piece of precious china—even if it was just a tablecloth, or a spoon to stir the soup. While visiting Japan, Adelman noticed the same mannerism in a Buddhist monk as he showed her around his monastery garden. "I didn't understand until much later that this was a sacred kind of touching," she says, "when your mind is on what you're doing in that moment instead of thinking about a million other things."

Another way of weaving the spiritual with the profane is finding a set of strategies that enable you to fulfill Passover obligations without having a nervous breakdown or falling asleep on your Haggadah. Prudent planning and follow-through can increase the level of psychic energy you'll have to feel connected to Jews around the world, to our ancestors and to God.

Before you start preparing your home for Passover, it's important to prepare your soul, says Rabbi Lori Forman, 43, the mother of two young children and director of the Jewish Resource Center at the UJA-Federation of New York. Learn something new about Passover by attending a lecture, reading a book or essay, perusing Jewish websites, or attending a women's Seder, she recommends. If your schedule is already stretched to the limit, there are ways to get into the Passover mood that take no extra time, such as listening to Jewish music while rinsing wine glasses. Bizzell, who exposes herself to Jewish literature and courses throughout the year, continually keeps her antenna out for Passover inspiration. "If I come across something that's interesting, I'll save it," she says.

To help with the more tangible aspects of preparing, write a detailed to-do list—complete with menus and names of people to invite to your Seder—at least a month before Passover, suggests professional organizer Barry J. Izsak. After each item, provide a check-off box and target date for completion. Then stick to your plan as closely as possible, says Izsak, vice president of the National Association of Professional Organizers and owner of Arranging It All in Austin, Texas.

"What's important is having a big picture of all the different steps that must be taken, and some small idea of how each of those tasks is going to be addressed," explains Sh'ma editor Berrin.

Laura Schwartz, a 50-year-old Reform Jew who juggles a high-pressure job as vice president of Isles, a nonprofit community-development organization, and the needs of her six-year-old son, removes chametz from her kitchen but is more relaxed about the rest of her house. Because she likes to do all the cooking, she limits her Seder gatherings to about eight people. Her mantra is: "Cook 'n' freeze, cook 'n' freeze," which she does two weekends before Passover. "The biggest revelation to me was the idea of making matzoh balls and freezing them on a cookie sheet, then putting them in a Ziploc," Schwartz says. "I can make enough matzoh balls for a year." She was also delighted to discover that the seafood manager in her local supermarket knew how to grind carp, pike and whitefish with onion and carrot, saving her considerable time preparing her gefilte fish.

For Professor Bizzell, 54, the opposite approach works best. Housecleaning and kitchen kashering take place during a seven-hour marathon the night before Passover. All Seder food gets prepared the next morning and afternoon, she says: "Fortunately, I still can stand and cook for eight hours."

When she remodeled her kitchen a few years ago, Bizzell designated a bank of cabinets for Passover dishes and glassware, precluding the need to box and unbox dishes every year. She also installed an electric range with a smooth cook top. Kashering it involves a quick wipe and having the burners glow red for a few minutes. Even as she kashers her stove, Bizzell feels "a tremendous connection to the tribe" because "it's exciting to do something I know is going on all over world."

Although preparations can get hectic for 32-year-old Bassie Nadoff, an Orthodox mother of five who works outside the home part-time, she feels connected to her ancestors by keeping sight of what Passover means. "I think about this all the time; after our Seder we talk about that, even," Nadoff says. "We remember that God took us out of Egypt, and the reason we don't eat chametz is because the Jews left in such as hurry, with dough perched on their shoulders, and had just enough time to bake it in the hot sun into matzoh. We want to remember that miracle."

One way that a growing number of women make Passover work would seem miraculous to our ancestors—the catered Seder. Ronnie Dragoon, president and founder of Ben's Kosher Restaurant, Delicatessen & Caterers in New York, says his business now exists "in large measure" to meet the needs of busy families. "When I first opened Ben's 30 years ago," he says, "customers would simply come to the retail takeout counter and purchase a side dish or two. Very rarely did one order a complete meal. But those days were less hectic; there typically was only one breadwinner in the family."

Dragoon's patrons are primarily Conservative and Reform Jews (he makes no secret that Ben's kitchens are not kosher for Passover). His most popular take-out entres are brisket and chicken. A few families go so far as to rent a room near one of Ben's nine locations and conduct their Seder there, letting the cooks and servers do everything except lead the service. "The joy of being with family and friends counterbalances any guilt they may have" over not making a home Seder, Dragoon maintains.

Health psychologist Diane Roberts Stoler, Ed.D., of Georgetown, Mass., and several of her friends who also work full-time reduce their Passover stress by staging highly orchestrated potluck Seders. Because she doesn't keep kosher, Stoler usually brings the wines or flowers. After the Seder, the husbands retire to the TV room, while the women laugh and talk their way through cleanup. "We've been doing this for 18 years; otherwise we'd go crazy," says Stoler, 55.

As crazy as it often got in Blu Greenberg's home at Passover time—and as erev Pesach as she felt—the author of the 1985 book How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household has no regrets. "At that moment, I may not have appreciated it, but as I look back, I understand how the work had a profound impact on my family's life and my own spiritual life," Greenberg says. "At a deep level, I understand how worthwhile it all is."

Robin K. Levinson is an award-winning journalist, author, and freelance writer and editor. She lives in Hamilton, N.J.



Passover Time-Saving Tips

Bassie Nadoff has five active children; works about 12 hours a week co-directing the Shalom Heritage Center; drives her older children 23 miles each way to Hebrew day school; and this year, for the seventh consecutive year, is hosting a Seder for 25 people in her New Jersey townhouse. She has Passover preparations down to a fine art.

"It's definitely stressful," she says, "so I keep a notebook of what I expect to do each day." In fact, her notebook gets pulled out the minute Purim costumes get put away. First edict: "No more eating upstairs." Over the next week or so, Nadoff organizes and cleans each bedroom, looking for the stray pretzel or Baggie of long- forgotten cookies. "Once I found a half-eaten pizza crust behind my son's bunkbed," she says. "It was so gratifying; I felt like I wasn't wasting my time."

Nadoff enlists the children to help make decorative "chametz-free" signs, which are hung on the bedroom doors. She then makes a clean sweep of the basement playroom, shaking out every toy and doll.

Two weeks before Passover, she shops for matzoh, grape juice and all the other nonperishables she'll need. These get stored in Nadoff's basement until she can make her kitchen kosher for Passover. When that is done—four or five days before the first Seder—she buys the perishable Passover food and begins serving it immediately. "The children enjoy that because they eat funny things like meatballs and french fries," she says. If the children must have a sandwich or other chametz, they eat at the backyard picnic table.

By dividing Passover preparations into a series of small tasks and stretching them out over the course of a month, Nadoff's children don't resent her for spending more time cleaning house than playing with them. Plus, there's built-in slack time to respond to life's little emergencies, like a child's ear infection, without getting blown off schedule.

Here are some more time-saving and stress-reducing Passover tips:

 

  • Don't procrastinate. If you typically leave things for the last minute, commit yourself to getting your home ready for Passover three days before the holiday starts. This way, you'll still be ready even if you miss your deadline. If you make your deadline, there's time for a massage or a long, luxurious bath.
  • Forget about dust. Dust isn't considered chametz, so don't sweat it if you don't have time to dust your furniture before Passover.
  • Keep Passover close all year. If possible, designate some kitchen cabinets for Passover dishes and cookery. Or buy a metal cabinet for that purpose, and keep it in the kitchen, closet or adjacent room. Restrict eating to the kitchen and dining room year round.
  • Pick your battles. If your time is very limited, spend most of your time and energy cleaning your kitchen during the week leading up to Passover. Just do what you can in the rest of the house or apartment.
  • Involve your family. Put your husband in charge of Passover shopping, or encourage him to cook his Passover specialty or a new dish. Put older children in charge of cleaning their own bedrooms, toy box and pockets, and vacuuming the car. Have younger children make table decorations or place cards and help set the Seder table. Every family member who is old enough can help serve and clean up. If relatives are visiting for more than a day, give each family the responsibility for a different meal.
  • Clothes-shop early. Department stores display spring fashions as early as January, so if you like to buy new outfits for the holiday, there's no need to squeeze that task into Passover crunch time.
  • Chill out. If you have space, keep an extra refrigerator/freezer in your garage or basement, and make it Passover-ready two or three weeks before the holiday. This way, you can store Passover perishables before your kitchen is koshered and can cook and freeze meals for your Seder and the rest of Passover week. If you have only one refrigerator, wipe down a shelf or two and line with aluminum foil. Or put perishable Passover food in a covered cardboard box that will fit into your refrigerator.
  • Hire help. Splurge on a professional cleaning service the week before Passover. If you already have a cleaning service, use it for additional time. Or hire a high school or college student to help. Be sure to explain exactly how you want your house cleaned for Passover, especially if your helpers are not Jewish. You can also use hired hands to serve the Seder meal and clean up.
  • Favor plain over fancy. Use paper or plastic tablecloths and plates and disposable flatware at your Seder. Though environmentally unfriendly, they will drastically reduce your cleanup time.
  • Scope out shopping venues. Depending where you live, your grocery store may or may not stock an adequate array of Passover products. Ask friends where they do their Passover shopping. "Jewishly correct" stores will put out Passover goodies when Easter paraphernalia go on display. If you have a special request, ask the store manager at least a month in advance to order it for you, or order items online.
  • Order in. Consider ordering desserts, appetizers or even your entre from a caterer, kosher restaurant or supermarket. (Ask whether the caterer's kitchen is kosher for Passover if this is important to you.)
  • Eat out. Rent a room in a kosher restaurant for your Seder.
  • Keep the meal simple. During the first part of the Seder, serve plenty of appetizers, such as boiled potatoes, hard-boiled eggs, sliced apples, and raw vegetables and dips, so people aren't famished when mealtime comes. Your entre can then be a cauliflower pie or other easy-to-make vegetarian dish.
  • Try potluck. Most houseguests are eager to contribute to the Seder, but be specific in your requests to avoid getting six fruit salads or gallons of charoset. If your guests don't keep the same level of kosher as you do, ask them to come early to help you cook, or have them bring kosher wine, flowers or a box of Passover chocolates.
  • Don't be your own taskmaster. Be content with the things you can do for Passover instead of lamenting the things you cannot do. Whatever you do honors your ancestors and perpetuates the memory of the birth of the Jewish people.
    —Robin K. Levinson

Countdown to Passover

In her Passover Cookery (Five Star Publications, Chandler, Arizona), Joan Kekst offers a wonderful timetable to prepare for Passover that will help organize anyone making the Seders for the first time, and offer hints for those who have been doing it for years.

Six Weeks Ahead

  • Make a master list and reserve time for major household chores; share tasks with family members.
  • Repair or replace required electrical cords, appliances or other household items.
  • Inventory chairs, tables, plates, glasses, utensils, pots, pans, linen, flatware. Buy new processor bowl, beaters and plastic storage containers as needed. (Square ones are refrigerator-efficient.)
  • Defrost and clean freezer early.
  • Check Haggadot and Kippot; check Seder plates, candles, wineglasses. Purchase or borrow, or consider disposable items.
Four Weeks Ahead
  • Plan daily menus to use up chametz from pantry and freezer.
  • Review the rituals about rendering some items "Kosher for Passover."
  • Invite guests; remind family of work schedule.
  • Attend Passover class or cooking class, if desired.
  • Empty, clean and reserve some kitchen cabinets for Passover items.
  • Plan Seder menus; select recipes and foods to cook ahead.
  • Make an early list to shop for staples, paper goods and candles to ease the budget crunch. Order kosher wine.
  • Arrange family practice of the Haggadah. Urge children to prepare artwork, questions or develop their simulations of the Passover story.
Two to Three Weeks Ahead
  • Check recipes for specialty items; visit kosher markets for new Passover items.
  • As time permits, kasher (ritually clean) pots and pans for advance cooking and store in clean cupboard. Kasher oven, stovetop and counter for early Passover cooking if possible.
  • Purchase ingredients to advance-cook foods that freeze well: chicken soup, sorbet, kugels, brisket, sauced chicken breasts and some cakes.
  • Tell guests who wish to help when they should arrive to cook, or what kosher items to bring.
  • Check, clean or launder clothing and linens for Seder as necessary.
One Week Ahead
  • Schedule and complete major cooking to freeze. Make extra ice.
  • Purchase vegetable staples, potatoes, onions, carrots, dried fruits, nuts, soda pop.
  • Line storage cabinets and counters; clean refrigerator; reserve area for chametz.
  • Wash Passover pots/pans, dishes, flatware, candlesticks, Seder plate.
Five Days Ahead
  • Consult your rabbi to sell your chametz.
  • Purchase least perishable fruits, vegetables, dairy, eggs, Seder plate items.
  • Make horseradish, bake cookies-freeze or store airtight; make fruit compote.
  • Shift furniture to accommodate extra tables and chairs.
  • Prepare rooms for out-of-town guests.
One to Three Days Ahead
  • Use up all open chametz, except crumbs for ceremonial search.
  • Let children place extra chairs, spread cloths on tables, set out dishes.
  • Complete baking, partially prepare long-cooking items, chill to reheat, store airtight or freeze.
  • Make gefilte or other fish; mix batter for matzoh balls, chill overnight.
  • Purchase last-minute perishable vegetables and fruits.
  • Fill and cork wine decanters; defrost frozen items in refrigerator.
On the Seder Day
  • Burn chametz; none should be eaten after 10 a.m. the Seder day.
  • Roast bone and egg for Seder plate, hard-boil eggs for salt water, make charoset.
  • Prepare fresh vegetables and fruits, frost cakes, boil matzoh balls.
  • Set food on platters, cover and refrigerate. Plan oven timing to heat food.
  • Save one hour to bathe and rest!
  • Keep an inventory for next year.
Have a Sweet Happy Holiday!

Joan Kekst is a food writer, lecturer, kosher cooking instructor and passionate cook who lives in Cleveland. Her book Passover Cookery: In the Kitchen with Joan Kekst offers creative recipes and indispensible guidance for remaining calm despite the stress of Passover preparation. Go to fivestarpublications.com/books/passover for more information.

© 2001 Joan Kekst, reprinted with permission.

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