Deepening the High Holiday Experience

Rabbi Karyn Kedar, senior rabbi of Congregation B'nai Jehoshua Beth Elohim in Glenview, Ill., a Chicago suburb, is widely recognized as an inspiring leader who guides people in their spiritual and personal growth. The author of God Whispers: Stories of the Soul, Lessons of the Heart, and The Dance of the Dolphin: Finding Prayer, Perspective and Meaning in the Stories of Our Lives (both published by Jewish Lights, www.jewishlights.com), Kedar is now writing a book on forgiveness. She would welcome emails at kkedar@bjbe.org from anyone with thoughts on the subject. One of Jewish Woman's 10 Women to Watch in 2004, Kedar will moderate this year's event on December 12, in Washington, D.C.

Q: Many of us venture into synagogue only on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. How can we make the most of the experience?
A: The word for spiritual practice in Hebrew is avodah. Avodah used to be the sacrifices that we offered in the holy Temple in Jerusalem. Once the Temple and the sacrificial cult were destroyed, we replaced them with prayer. Today I think avodah means spiritual practice. Literally, it means work, because spiritual practice requires work. If you come into a service only periodically without engaging in a constant practice of trying to attain spiritual meaning and purpose in life, it's not going to be quite as meaningful to you as if you established a regular practice. That regular practice begins by asking the questions: What is the meaning of my life? What is the purpose of my life? How do I open myself up to forgiveness? All of these questions are difficult and take a lifetime of working at in order to deepen and realize.

Q: People are so used to being connected to the world through technology. How do you get them to stop and seek a connection with themselves and with God?
A: People stop when they need to stop. Unfortunately, it's often a crisis that propels them to ask the big questions. But if you go along in life removed from its core by busyness, by television, by telephones or email, eventually it does catch up with you. At some point you realize that you are overcome with an exhaustion that even a good night's sleep isn't going to help. I think that exhaustion is an exhaustion of the spirit, of not tending to matters that provoke the answers to the big questions.

Q: It's like disconnecting from your essence.
A: Kind of. We've all had that experience, as though we are wrapped in Saran Wrap and everything that is real feels distant to us. We seem to be going through the motions and aren't loving or engaging as significantly. Judaism offers us this periodic opportunity to stop and touch the soft spots that are inside. The High Holidays is one of these moments, but it could also be a wedding, a funeral, the naming of a baby. It could be Shabbat on a weekly basis. If you get really good at it, then it can be a daily practice in which you stop, readjust and reorient to better connect with yourself and others and the spirit of the universe.

Q: Is Rosh Hashanah about God or ourselves?
A: According to our tradition, the world was created on Rosh Hashanah. So Rosh Hashanah is about getting back to the source of it all, but it is also understanding that at any given moment we have the opportunity to rebirth and renew ourselves, to recreate our lives with enthusiasm and joy. It's [about] hope, renewal and the ability to realign with our higher purpose. It's about taking a look at our relationships and offering forgiveness and saying we're sorry and about reconnecting with what is most basic in life and getting away from the extraneous through meditation and song and prayer.

Q: Sometimes during Yom Kippur's confessional prayer, you get the sense that you've made so many mistakes, it's almost too painful to contemplate. How do you move forward into a New Year with hope?
A: We should never be overwhelmed by our humanity. The forgiveness we extend to others must also be extended to ourselves. We did the best we could. And if that's not good enough, then we make the appropriate adjustments and keep trying. The path is a path and life is a journey—and that's not a clich, but the truth—and we step gently onto that path, forgiving our own humanity and asking for help to become better.

Q: Is there an art to prayer? Do you have to attend synagogue to have your prayers heard?
A: You do not have to attend synagogue to have your prayers heard; you have to attend synagogue to engage in community. And you have to engage in community. You have to have communal structures that support you and your children. There is also power in communal prayer. Yes, there's an art to prayer. One is not to do it by rote, but to really engage in the prayer and to contemplate one line or one phrase or one particular prayer that opens your heart, and where you let the melodies wash over you and your mind wander to another place. Allowing yourself to go to another place in the company of others who are seeking the same thing can be very powerful.

Q: You say in your book that Rosh Hashanah is the Day of Judgment, the Day of Remembrance and the Birthday of the World. How do these themes tie together when we're thinking about the role the holiday plays in our lives?
A: The Day of Remembrance so we remember all that is good and holy in our lives. We remember the dreams and the vision that we had for ourselves; we remember the gifts that God has given us and the mission that we have been given, not only to change ourselves, but to change our part of the world. The Day of Judgment because we judge our own acts. Have we been living according to that higher purpose, and higher mission? What adjustments do we need to do in order to do that? Are our relationships on the level that we want them to be? If not, how do we make that happen? The Birthday of the World—once again dedicating ourselves to recreating ourselves and renewing our commitment to living to a higher purpose.

Q: People sometimes joke that going to synagogue on Rosh Hashanah is like going to a big fashion show.
A: I think that in some ways when people do that, when they come all dressed up and focus on what other people are wearing, talking about, and doing, (Did you hear who got a divorce? I heard you got a new job) that they stay in the ordinary of life. In some ways I think it is a defense mechanism because it is so hard, especially when you are out of practice, to touch the extraordinary, to touch the holy. But if we allow ourselves to be wholly vulnerable for an hour or hour and a half during services, then we can really touch the spirit of the whole holiday.

Q: Are there things one can do to prepare so that it will be a significant experience?
A: Absolutely. The entire month preceding Rosh Hashanah, the Hebrew month of Elul, is the month of love. Elul is an acronym that stands for ani v' dodi, v'dodi li, which comes from the Song of Songs and means "I am my beloved, and my beloved is mine." It's an entire month where we are supposed to take the time to prepare, so that we don't begin at Rosh Hashanah but rather climax the entire spiritual experience at Rosh Hashanah and ultimately Yom Kippur. We spend the month reading and contemplating and talking about these things with people that we can have these kinds of conversations with.

Q: What do you do in your synagogue?
A: We have classes that prepare for the High Holidays and we also have a service, that most synagogues have, called Selichot, the Saturday night before Rosh Hashanah. This year it's going to be two Saturday nights before Rosh Hashanah. Selichot is sometimes a midnight service, often a very late night service where you start to hear the melodies of the High Holidays and sometimes the High Holiday choir starts to sing. So at least the week before Rosh Hashanah you start to prepare, even if you haven't been able to the month before.

Q: Are there are books you like to recommend to people?
A: There are lots of books, even if it's not about the High Holidays per se. It's good to start reading about matters of the spirit, or about forgiveness, or about love. Those titles are usually easily found. You could go to www.jewishlights.com, a publishing company that focuses on spiritual literature; you could go into a local book store and go to the area that has that kind of literature and let your hand be guided and trust that it pulls out the right volume. Sometimes I even start to buy CDs that have a spiritual sound to them to get myself into the right frame of mind.

Q: Most women are mistresses of multi-tasking. How do you help them to stop long enough to gain perspective on their lives and connect with the spiritual resources in our tradition?
A: Slowing down our life is a very difficult thing to do. For women, who feel that we need to take on the entire world, we often neglect ourselves. But, we really can't go and become stronger and supportive if we can't take care of ourselves. Everybody tells us this and we still don't listen. Imagine teaching your daughter, your son, your mother or your husband about what is true and meaningful in this world and then realize that what you teach, you need to learn. Don't exempt yourself from your [own] wisdom.

	Seasonal Resources Here are some books and a CD to help you get your mind and heart ready for the High Holidays: Books Beginning Anew—A Woman's Companion for the High Holidays by Judith A. Kates and Gail Twersky Reimer (Touchstone) The Dance of the Dolphin: Finding Prayer, Perspective and Meaning in the Stories of Our Lives by Karyn D. Kedar (Jewish Lights) Days of Awe: A Treasury of Jewish Wisdom for Reflection, Repentance, and Renewal on the High Holy Days by Shmuel Yosef Agnon (Schocken) Entering the High Holidays—A Complete Guide to the History, Prayers and Themes by Reuven Hammer. (Jewish Publication Society) God Was in This Place and I, I Did Not Know: Finding Self, Spirituality and Ultimate Meaning by Lawrence Kushner (Jewish Lights) God Whispers: Stories of the Soul, Lessons of the Heart by Karyn D. Kedar (Jewish Lights) Preparing Your Heart for the High Holidays by Kerry M. Olitzky and Rachel T. Sabath (Jewish Publication Society) Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur Survival Kit by Shimon Apisdorf (Leviathan Press) Sacred Therapy : Jewish Spiritual Teachings on Emotional Healing and Inner Wholeness by Estelle Frankel (Shambhala) This Is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared: The Days of Awe as a Journey of Transformation (Hardcover) by Alan Lew (Little, Brown) CDs Inscribed: Songs for the Holy Days by Craig Taubman http://www.craignco.com/index.php